No really, I am about to go insane.
I deal with chronic insomnia, aka, I don't sleep. Or, to be more precise, I am unable to fall asleep on my own. I can stay awake for days, and not get sleepy. Of course during those days, my body gets tired from not resting, and eventually I do break down. So, to avoid breaking down, I run through every tactic imaginable, all for the sake of knocking myself out.
So I finally fall asleep, now what?
I have horrible nightmares all night long. I know they're dreams, because they're too fucked up to be real, but they're still terrible and I usually end up forcing myself awake to end the dream. To make matters worse, I then go and do something for the rest of the night, like watch movies, because I am too scared to fall asleep again. Why should I care if I fall asleep though, the nightmare is over right? WRONG. Lots of times, my dreams continue, meaning I am stuck with my effing nightmares all over again. And if they don't continue exactly, I get stuck with something similar.
It's a vicious circle, and I just want it to end...
I've been a vegetable this week because of it. I hope it's a phase that will just pass me by... eventually... *sigh*